in memory of julius

Julius... the dog with the bad heart that couldn’t be broken

 

Julius had many gifts for me and much to teach me.  That is why he survived and thrived in spite of having lived in hell on earth. Julius, the dog with the bad heart that couldn’t be broken. 

I loved him so much.

 

Julius - my miracle boy, although you were around 11 years old when you passed, I chose January 21, 2007 as your birthday as you only started living the day you came to me.

You arrived just a month after my Brandy dog passed. I asked her and Milo to send me another dog because a house isn’t a home without a Rottweiler in it. When I heard your story I said yes right away and waited with great anticipation for you to arrive. You had spent 10 or so years in isolation, never been for a walk, never touched with affection, never chewed a bone, played with a ball, saw a vet or felt grass beneath your feet.

We knew you had a bad heart.  The vets couldn’t understand how a boy with such a bad heart could be alive. I couldn’t understand how a boy who had never been shown love could be so loving. You were the dog with the bad heart that couldn’t be broken. We risked putting you under so we could neuter you, remove some tumors, and clean your teeth. Sadly, a biopsy came back with the news that you had a very aggressive cancer giving you 5 weeks to 5 months, I was devastated but I should have known that you had your own agenda and loved life too much to give up that soon. I knew I had to really be present every day, that each day we had together would be a gift and I wasn’t going to miss any of them.
 

You were such an innocent babe when you arrived, you were like a puppy exploring the world for the first time. Oh - watching all your firsts brought me such joy: your first ball (thanks Auntie Gail), your first stuffed animal - oh how you loved that little lamb.  Your first bully stick – you were in heaven!  Your first trip to the beach you ran so fast back and forth barking at the waves as they crashed I was afraid you would have a heart attack, but thought if you do at least you will die happy.

Oh my Jules, what a surprise our first snow fall was.  You we’re insane with delight and I have never seen you happier.  You tore across the lawn buried your head in the snow then bounced back up and did it again and again.  I tossed a snowball which you caught in your mouth then quickly dropped then said “Do it again Momma this is fun.”  We played in the snow for hours that day. I got to see the world through your eyes and what a wonderful world it was.

 

Those crossed paws slay me.  He’s made himself comfortable on Brandy’s old bed.  He says, “Thank you for the bed and the Momma, Brandy”
 

 

   

 

 

Our camping trip last summer was awesome. We spent a week on the beach. Having your Momma around 24 hours a day made you so happy, and I was really happy too. We saw eagles, seals and whales.  It was a magical place.

 

After beating the odds by several months you crashed in January and I thought I was going to loose you. After coming back from the vet with a bunch of medications and a heart full of prayers Auntie and I carried you outside for a pee and I knew that if you couldn’t walk I had to send you to the bridge. Auntie and I cried all day we really thought this was the end, Auntie went home and I made a bed for myself on the floor beside you so we could spend our last night together. Later I went into the kitchen to get some thing to eat the next thing I knew your nose was in the fridge, you we’re up and walking and you we’re hungry, we slept well that night and in the morning you we’re much better, we had turned the corner.

You never really were your old self again and crashed again in February, this time you we’re diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Your organs we’re not doing well either but the vet figured that your heart would take you before we had to worry about them. This was a tough diagnosis, you had enough wrong with you for one little boy it wasn’t fair and I was angry. We tried our best with medications to keep you comfortable and we’re doing well considering... You still wanted to go for our twice daily walks, your little nub of a tail would vibrate when I came home from work and your appetite was good. For a boy with so much wrong with you, you still had a good quality of life. We really lived life to the fullest, everyone said you looked good, right to the end your life was great.

Your final crash was on Wednesday, you were bleeding internally. As I held your broken shivering body I knew I had to let you go, you would have fought this battle as hard as all the other ones but in my heart I knew there was no coming back, if by some miracle you made it through the night what was the future? Your organs we’re shot your heart was done your body couldn’t stay here any longer; the only thing that kept your battered heart beating was your fierce Rottie spirit and your love for me. It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life.  The vet came and we sent you to the bridge.

You spent 10 years in Hell and got 14 months of the closest I could make to Heaven. My life is changed forever and my heart is in a million pieces, my miracle boy I don’t know how I am going to live without you. I take solace knowing that you are restored to health and hanging at the bridge with your sister Brandy and brother Milo.

I miss you so much,
Love, Momma

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